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Are You A Coprolite?You may be wondering if you qualify as a Coprolite. It's not always easy to tell, because it depends in part on how other people see you. There are, as you might guess, three marks that identify fossilized old poops.
Fossilized implies that we have attained a certain consistency of attitude. This doesn't mean that all Coprolites are conservatives. Labels come and go. What was once ultra-liberal may now be arch-conservative, or vice-versa. We don't care. Political correctness meanders all over the landscape, but a Coprolite is a rock of consistency. This tends to annoy everybody else, but that's part of the fun.
The second mark that defines a Coprolite is “old.” Actually, that doesn't mean much either. When you're in tenth grade, kids just barely out of high school strike you as looking a bit past their prime. So at that point in life, “old” means maybe three years older than you. Today, people probably don't seem old unless they're at least a decade older than you. The rule seems to be that people are old if they're about 20% older than you are. Of course, this means that you never see yourself as being old. Because of this, you probably have never realized that you're a Coprolite. That's why most of our members are signed up by someone else.
The final hallmark of the Coprolite — the one having to do with, well, excrement — follows from the first two. There comes a day when most of the population is 20% younger than you and therefore begins to see you as old. They notice you don't always sport the latest styles or dance to the latest music. You may once have been part of the mainstream, but you're not any more. Well, how do you usually react to something that used to be part of you but isn't any more? You discreetly flush it away to a treatment plant. You don't talk about it in polite company. It's just possible that you're becoming that much of an embarrassment to the younger generation. Because of this attitude, we Coprolites sometimes don't get the respect that we should. To learn about how we must fight back against this injustice, read Should I be proud to be a Coprolite?
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