Coprolite Newsletter, July 2008

Two bulls were standing on a hill. Down below, they saw a green pasture with a herd of cows. The young bull pawed the ground in excitement. "I’m going to gallop down there and do one of those cows!" he snorted.

The old bull replied, "Silly boy. Why don’t we WALK down there and do ALL of them?"

Age has always had a knack for grasping how to get the most out of a situation by concentrating on the essentials. If the young would only listen, they could have more fun with a lot less effort.

Another example (although unfortunately far less sexy) that occurs to me is the class reunion. My high school classmates used to get together every five years in the typical fancy reunion. It took us fifty years to figure out what was really fun about reunions and what was not. Now, we’ve got it down pat.

Our reunions used to be held at some nice restaurant or clubhouse. Weeks beforehand, there were questionnaires to fill out so that a booklet could be handed out at the dinner. You could brag about your successful career, your brilliant kids, your fascinating travels. At the reunion, you dressed to the nines and danced to the music of a live band. It was a great celebration. But exactly what were we celebrating? Putting on the dog or renewing acquaintance with old friends?

As years went by, many classmates began to be frustrated with the way things were done. What we really wanted to do was sit and chat, which was hard to do over the noise of a band. As we approached codgerhood, even getting all dressed up was a chore, and a fancy meal might or might not fit with what our doctor said we could eat. And not much was happening in our lives that we needed to brag about in that reunion booklet. Saddest of all was the realization that some of our number might not be here to chat with five years from now.

So, after our fifty-year reunion (six years ago!), we decided to stick with the good parts of reunions and leave out the irritating parts. Next month, we’ll get together for another reunion and it’s going to be great!

What we’ve left out are all the negative bits – the questionnaires to fill out, the noisy music, the expensive dinner. We concentrate on the positive bits – chatting with old friends and renewing youthful memories. We simply get together at the home of one of our classmates. Everybody brings something for the pot-luck dinner.

And the best part is that we get together every year instead of every five. Hey, as the old bull explained, if it’s fun and you find a way to make it easier, why not do it more often?

I think this lesson that took our classmates fifty years to learn ought to be shared with the rest of the world, if it will listen.

Take the Olympics. What are they really about? Athletic performance on the track, in the pool, on the field. Everything else is extraneous.

China wouldn’t have had to build expensive new stadiums, wall off unattractive neighborhoods, or temporarily shut down pollution-producing factories. The Olympic torch wouldn’t have had to be spirited through cities inside cars to avoid angry protesters. None of that stuff has anything to do with athletics.

People could do their running, swimming, or jumping in their own home towns. Then they could phone their times in to some central place where all the records would be tabulated. Team sports might be a little more complicated. However, I’m sure a way could be worked out so that teams all over the world could compete with each other using those Wii gadgets. Think of the savings in travel and lodging.

I can picture how much fun it would be to go to some local venue here in the Twin Cities to watch our home-town athletes competing against the world. In place of elaborate opening and closing ceremonies, we’d just have a pot luck dinner where everybody brought a hot dish. (That’s Minnesotan for casserole. Nationalities other than Minnesotan would celebrate in their own local style.)

For many years, the Olympic motto of "Faster, higher, stronger" has inspired the youth of the world. But it may be time for a new motto: "Simpler, cheaper, with less effort." To achieve that, just ask the people who’ve had to learn those skills. Ask somebody older.

––Wayne Adams
wayne@coprolites.com

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