Coprolite Newsletter, June 2008

I got kind of a kick out of the anxiety expressed by so many people earlier this year about the presidential nominating process. There was actually a possibility that the Democratic Party’s nominee might not be decided before the national convention began. Horrors!

I remember the day when that was how conventions were SUPPOSED to work. They were called Nominating Conventions, not Rubber Stamp Conventions. They actually took ballots – sometimes a bunch of them – before deciding on the nominee.

When I was younger, people took great interest in listening to the conventions on the radio or watching them on black and white TV. The networks devoted many hours to the drama each day. Now TV coverage is limited to two or three hours because the drama and interest is gone.

My favorite conventions were the ones where it took multiple ballots to come up with a winner. The last time this happened was 1952, when the Democrats needed three ballots to select Adlai Stevenson. Before that, the Republicans took three ballots to choose Thomas Dewey in 1948.

Those were tame affairs compared with several that happened before my time. The 1924 Democratic convention needed 103 ballots over 17 days to come up with somebody named John Davis. That same year, the Republicans were also deadlocked. The political bosses met behind the scenes in what became famously known as “smoke-filled rooms” and finally selected Warren Harding.

In 1860, the Dems even needed two separate conventions to settle on someone. The first one fizzled over a walkout by Southern delegates after 57 ballots. They needed a second convention, and lots more fighting, to nominate Stephen A. Douglas. Even Abe Lincoln needed three ballots that year to win the Republican nomination.

So how come the conventions are so tame nowadays?

Well, my first instinct in matters like this is normally to blame the Baby Boomer generation, since they’ve had so much influence on our culture this past half century or so. Maybe they just like things overly orderly.

But I’m afraid, in this case, the biggest share of the blame lies at the feet of some of my fellow Minnesotans. It happened in 1968. Minnesota Senator Eugene McCarthy campaigned in primaries with the enthusiastic backing of anti-war activists. Lyndon Johnson’s vice president, Hubert Humphrey (also from Minnesota), had enough delegates, however, to take the nomination without ever competing in a primary. Mobs of angry protestors battled police outside the hall.

As a result, the party decided later that year to use a system of primary elections to choose most convention delegates. The Republicans adopted a similar system four years later.

I’ll admit that this method seems to give more power to ordinary voters and less to political bosses. But it has two main drawbacks.

First, it’s incredibly expensive for a candidate to run in all those separate state primaries. Advertising, travel, and staff expenses eat up many millions of dollars. Someone of modest means like Abe Lincoln wouldn’t have a chance.

Second, as I mentioned, it makes for boring conventions. So what could we do to fix this?

Going back to smoke-filled rooms seems out of the question. Not because there are no political bosses any more, but because nowadays smoking is banned just about everywhere in public buildings.

Since Minnesotans had a lot to do with causing this boring-convention problem, I’m glad to see we just may be working on a solution. When the Republican Convention is held in St. Paul this year, the City is letting bars stay open an extra two hours later each night. If that turns out to facilitate discussions on things like the platform, it could perhaps be useful in selecting a nominee in future years. We’ll just need to find a discrete term to replace “smoke-filled room.”

But I think we can find even better solutions if we put our minds to it. What about the “American Idol” format? Over a period of weeks, the various candidates give their speeches on TV and demonstrate their hand-shaking and baby-kissing ability. Every so often, the audience emails in their votes and the contestant with the least votes goes home. This goes on until the final winner is chosen. Everybody gets a chance to audition, it doesn’t cost them anything to campaign, and the audience is entertained.

I’d vote for that kind of convention.

––Wayne Adams
wayne@coprolites.com

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

To read other Coprolite Columns, return to Newsletter Archives.

You are welcome to forward this newsletter to anyone, as long as you send it in its entirety. To subscribe or unsubscribe, please visit http://three.pairlist.net/mailman/listinfo/coprolitenews.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Who are the Coprolites—a tribe, a secret society, a religious order? If you’re unfamiliar with this proud but little-understood group, visit http://www.coprolites.org for more information. Find out how you — or your friends and relatives "blessed with more than enough maturity" — can benefit.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

For professionally written and edited newsletters, brochures, speeches, scripts, or web copy, get in touch with WordMagic Communications. We have lots of powerful words in stock, with fresh supplies arriving daily.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Need a speaker for your workshop, seminar, or meeting? Check out The Expert Speakers Group. .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -