Coprolite Newsletter, May 2007

At an age well after most people have retired, I've just started a new full-time job. Actually, my wife and I are job-sharing it. We've gone to work for Miss Daisy. Just as in the movie, we'll be driving Miss Daisy.

We'll also be walking Miss Daisy, feeding Miss Daisy, and doing anything else that Miss Daisy requires. So far, what she mostly wants is for us to cuddle her, rub her tummy, and play tug-of-war with her.

Miss Daisy is a two-month-old, two-and-a-half-pound bundle of fluffy white and apricot fur who took us into her employment yesterday. She's a Cavapoo, which is not as bad as it sounds. It means her father is a Poodle and her mother a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.

(I wonder why humans don't adopt similar names to show their ethnic heritage. My wife would be an Iregerm and I'd be an Engdutchgerm. Oh, I guess that's why.)

Like most people who start working at our age, we took the job not so much for the pay as for the benefits. In fact, the pay so far has been in the high negative numbers. (Why did we ever throw away all our old doggie paraphernalia, and when did it get so expensive to replace?)

The benefits started yesterday while we were still on the way home with Miss Daisy. We stopped at our granddaughter's soccer scrimmage. Soon we were chatting with lots of people who would have remained strangers if we hadn't shown up with a puppy. A puppy who likes to chase any soccer balls that come her way.

Another benefit manifested itself this morning. Although Miss Daisy needed some soothing and reassurance to go to sleep in her kennel next to our bed, she did sleep through the night. This morning, our clock radio went on as usual and as usual we kept sleeping oblivious to its sound. Not Miss Daisy. She correctly assumed that the radio meant we should be getting up. We didn't sleep through HER sound. I guess from now on, the clock radio will actually get us up in the morning at the time we intend.

Of course, healthful walking will be a large benefit from our new job. There will be other forms of exercise as well, such as bending over to pick up anything she leaves behind on the trip.

Finally, our new job will require us to give more thought to planning our lives. Instead of both of us just jumping into our cars and going off on the spur of the moment, we'll actually have to do a little planning, especially while she's still a puppy. Long trips will require arranging a babysitter ahead of time (which shouldn't be too much of a problem, given the reaction of our grandkids to her). The mental exercise involved in the additional planning and logistics may help stave off senility for a while longer.

So let's add up the benefit package that comes with working for Miss Daisy: More new friends. More discipline in our lives. More physical exercise to lengthen our lives. More mental exercise to postpone our appointment with Mr. Alzheimer.

I'd say this has got to be about the best job I've ever landed.

––Wayne Adams
wayne@coprolites.com

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