Coprolite Newsletter, February 2007

As Valentines Day approaches, greeting-card sellers turn happily to thoughts of love. For most of the rest of us, love has been on our minds pretty much all along.

Yes, love is even in the thoughts of us older folks. In fact, I would say ESPECIALLY us, which will come as a surprise to the younger generations.

Although love is usually portrayed as a winged infant brandishing a bow, the fact is that the older you get, the more you know about love. It would be more accurate to picture love as looking like Father Time, walking hand in hand with Mother Time.

Oh sure, when kids are hit by their first crush it’s such a momentous discovery that they think they’ve invented something never before experienced by mortals. Given the powerful emotions aroused, this is understandable — but inaccurate. It’s happened before. Even their own parents and grandparents had first crushes, shocking as that may seem.

Later, when young adults begin a sexual relationship, the explosion of passion and intimacy is another fantastic new discovery. Nobody older could possibly be experiencing anything like that! Well sure, at one time their parents must have had sex, but certainly not since conceiving their children. After that, Mom and Dad undoubtedly settled into platonic domesticity, their sexual mission in life accomplished.

Sorry, kids. Even though it makes you exclaim "Eeeeuuuw!!," your parents and even grandparents very likely still make love. It works pretty much the same as when they were your age, except that now it might be the gal instead of the guy who asks "Did you remember to take your pill?"

But that’s just one part of the landscape of love. As the years go by, couples learn additional ways to express their feelings. Without giving up the emotional attachment that came with that first crush or the passion that exploded from their sexual union, older couples continually move together into new territory. They find the understanding that enables them to finish each other’s sentences. They discover how, without exchanging a word, to know when their partner wants to leave the party and go home. They learn the acceptance that helps them overlook each other’s wrinkles and silly habits.

When a relationship begins, it may be true that "Love is blind." But if love really lasts, it lets you clearly see and accept each other’s imperfections.

I’m thinking of when my folks were in their nineties and living with us. They began each day with my mother lying on the couch, her feet in my father’s lap, as he read the paper to her (beginning with the obituaries, of course). She had macular degeneration, and couldn’t see well enough to read the paper herself. He had no short-term memory, and often read the same column several times. She would just smile, wink at me, and let him repeat it over and over.

That’s a side of love that a couple can’t achieve until they’ve been together for many years. I’m glad that I got to see my parents display this tender care for each other. I think it was a special blessing given to them to compensate for the fact that they had never engaged in the physical aspect of love-making since the spring of 1934, when I was conceived.

Never mind what I said earlier about older people and sex. These are my PARENTS I’m talking about, for heaven’s sake! Eeeeuuuw!!

––Wayne Adams
wayne@coprolites.com

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