Coprolite Newsletter, September 2006

Let’s say some guy loses control of his car and crashes it through the window of a store on Main Street. If the driver happens to be African-American or Chinese or Hispanic, news reports won’t mention the fact. That might imply that his race was somehow the reason for his bad driving. Thank heaven our society has gotten past that sort of stereotyping.

But if the driver is up in years, you can be sure the news reports will say that an elderly man lost control of his car and crashed into the building. Oh, of course he did. He was elderly.

A dozen people may succumb to West Nile Virus or Lyme’s Disease or Bird Flu. Again, if one of them was elderly the reporters will feel obliged to mention that detail. Like, the virus isn’t necessarily that serious. There were extenuating circumstances. The person was elderly. The other victims may all have been blonde, or all college graduates, or all left-handed, but there seems to be no impulse to link their fate to those things.

If you have a decent driving record, car rental companies will do business with you regardless of your race, religion, or political affiliation. But if you’re over 70, some companies will charge you more than a younger person. If you’re over 80, some companies won’t rent to you at all.

In the corporate world, companies that wouldn’t dream of discriminating based on race or gender still routinely avoid hiring or promoting seniors. Age-discrimination is very hard to prove and almost never punished.

It seems obvious that some kind of Senior Rights Movement is long overdue. So how should we launch it?

Well, marches worked pretty well for the Civil Rights folks. But I’m thinking that a 54-mile trek like the 1965 march from Selma to Montgomery is a little too ambitious. Sun City to Phoenix is shorter, and might be more appropriate. Somebody should organize a march there. Perhaps, in this case, the marchers could be permitted to use golf carts. For those few seniors who don’t spend the winter in that area, maybe we could just wave some banners and shout some slogans while we get our mall-walking exercise in our own home towns. If the mall security people hassle us, that’ll make for some good photo opportunities.

Last May 1, undocumented workers tried to demonstrate their numbers and influence legislation by staging a “Day Without Immigrants.” Thousands stayed home from work across the country. Unfortunately, not many seniors have jobs to stay home from. But we could hold a “Day Without Seniors” with respect to shopping. It might be a real eye-opener for pharmacies as well as stores that sell support hose and comfortable shoes.

Finally, feminists drew a lot of attention to their cause by publicly burning their bras. I wonder, are Depends flammable?

Come on, people! Seniors are the only group still suffering widespread discrimination. Rise up from your recliners and join the fight for Codger Power!

––Wayne Adams
wayne@coprolites.com
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