Coprolite Newsletter, May 2005

My wife and I took a ride in a time machine last week. Well, it was actually a cruise ship. However, it did seem to transport its passengers into the future.

We had been a little reluctant to take the trip just now because it meant that for a week we wouldn't be able to visit my 94-year-old father, who is in poor health and recently entered a nursing home. But in a way, the cruise brought us closer to him. We were transported ahead in years, so that we're better able to understand the life he's living today.

Want to taste what your life will be like a few years from now? Just take a cruise. It works for people in any age group.

One young couple we met on the cruise told us, "We hardly ever see our children since we came on board. The kids are kept busy with so many wonderful activities and parties, often until late at night." This couple didn't realize it, but they had just been transported ahead to the days when their family will be grown up and busy with their own lives.

Middle-aged passengers who were taking a vacation from their demanding careers got a feel for what it will be like to retire. In effect, the folks who run the ship told them the same thing that their employers will some day: "Just sit back and relax. We have young people from many different countries who will take care of all the work that needs to be done."

Those of us who are already retired also got a strong glimpse of the future.

To make sure we don't miss the lesson, every cruise ship passageway has the same kind of support bars along the walls that you find in the hallways of senior apartment buildings, assisted living centers, and nursing homes.

Cruise directors and activity leaders display the same exaggerated air of enthusiasm that is found among the staff of nursing homes. They must have studied at the same schools, or maybe they take the same kind of pills.

Cruise ships always seem to stage at least as many bingo games per day as nursing homes do. Cruise ships feature a mind-numbing array of excursions, activities, and entertainments, just as good nursing homes do. Nursing homes (at least the one my dad is in) offer a number of opportunities each day for snacking and coffee breaks in addition to the regular three meals. Cruise ships, of course, are notorious for their endless supply of food.

On the negative side, both cruise ship cabins and nursing home rooms offer a lot less living space than you're used to.

All of this is good preparation for seeing how well you will be able to adjust to the later stages of your life. If you want to look even further ahead, a cruise can provide the confusion that comes from waking each day in a totally new city with unfamiliar landmarks. Do you see it as frightening, or as a perpetually new set of wonders to discover? Get used to the feeling; it may be part of your future.

My dad is not particularly thrilled with life in his nursing home. I think it's because he doesn't really like to be around outgoing, enthusiastic people or a lot of activity. He should have gone on some cruises years ago to help prepare himself. My wife and I won't fall into that trap. We plan to take frequent refresher courses in how to cruise happily through our retirement years.

––Wayne Adams
wayne@coprolites.com
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