Coprolite Newsletter, June 2005

My wife and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary last Saturday. Our kids worked enormously hard to stage a wonderful party for us. The food was great. Guests filled the house and also a big party tent in the front yard. We got to visit with many old friends — high school classmates, former neighbors, and folks we worked with long ago. Everybody was effusive in congratulating us and wishing us well.

One of the interesting things about these conversations was something that nobody said.

In the last few weeks, I've noticed that when people who've known us just a short time have learned of our anniversary, they almost always ask, "What's your secret for staying married so long?" The people at our party, both family and old friends, didn't need to ask.

It wouldn't occur to our family to ask, because kids just naturally expect that their parents will always be together. Our old friends didn't need to ask because they started out the same way we did. We all came of age in the days when it was infinitely easier to form lasting relationships than it is today. You got married young and stayed married. That was how life worked.

Times are a lot tougher for couples today. For example:

ECONOMICS
The 1950s were a time when opportunities were high and expectations were low. Because "two could live as cheaply as one," people got married soon after high school. Homes were modest and affordable. Nobody felt the need for expensive motorized toys. A couple could live on one income. Although women were still discriminated against in the work force, they did have more opportunities than they'd had in the past.

We got married at the end of my junior year in college. When we left for our honeymoon, I had $30 in my pocket. That bought us lodging, meals, and gas for a three day trip. That's all the time we could take anyway, because I had to find a summer job as soon as we got back. The thing was, I was certain I'd find one. That was in the days before American jobs had started to move overseas. During my senior year, between my part-time work and my wife's job, we managed to pay our bills (including our $50 a month rent and $212.50 per semester tuition).

Today, couples face astronomical mortgages and the need to keep up with the Joneses while worrying about the permanence of their jobs. That's a lot of stress to overcome in a marriage.

CULTURE
When we were kids, the movie stars we looked up to were Roy Rogers and Gene Autry, our singers were Bing Crosby and Perry Como, our comedians were Bob Hope, Jack Benny, and Fibber McGee. All of them married for life. The celebrities that youngsters are familiar with today get married and divorced so often the weekly tabloids have trouble keeping up. How are kids supposed to know that this isn't really how it's supposed to work?

HISTORY
Although people in my generation married young, we generally knew our spouses for quite a while beforehand. We had walked them home from school, escorted them to the prom, and been interrogated by their parents (who were probably acquainted with our own parents). Even before we sorted out into couples, we knew each other as friends. Yet, although we had known each other for years, we married young enough so that we weren't yet set in our ways. We were still flexible enough to grow our attitudes and opinions with each other's help. So most of our history, both before and after marriage, we built together.

Nowadays, even though people are older when they marry, they usually lack the benefit of that long history together. They meet in bars or on the Internet, often without any interrogation whatsoever by the parents. After they marry, they discover they have irreconcilably different views on politics or wall coverings, and the marriage is headed for the rocks.

Another thing: With many couples today, chances are that they did not escort each other on that first journey of discovery into the wonders of love. That important bit of history probably happened long ago and with somebody else. They lack a shared intimate milestone that would help keep them devoted to each other.

AND REASON NUMBER ONE...
All the things I mentioned above are factors that may help explain why our marriage made it to 50 years while so many other ones don't. But I saved the most important reason for last.

I had an unfair advantage. I somehow managed to snag the most loving, loyal, beautiful, and exciting woman in the world. Tough luck, all you other guys!

––Wayne Adams
wayne@coprolites.com
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